Happy Canada Day eh? Downtown crammed with potbellied whities in red t-shirts pushing strollers toward the Hill for their free hotdogs, or returning, ketchup-smeared spawn snoozing quietly with little flags clutched in their fists. The greater part of the Canadian Air Force, half a dozen or so antique trainers, wandered listlessly back and forth overhead, circling the faux-gothic towers of Parliament like a murder of wayward crows looking for their way home.

Nothing like a little nationalism manufactured by some Reform-crony owned PR firm.

Sources report that Dear Leader spent much of the day in the clock tower with an old Winchester 30-06 clutched to his chest, scanning the crowd below and muttering that “the old goat’s gonna get it today.” Despite rumors that he might put in an appearance, however, Preston was not spotted amongst the silver-haired crowds who flocked to tour the seat of Canadian federalism on this auspicious day.