Our shipment arrived yesterday like Christmas blown up to 300% carried on the back of steroid munching Chippendale from Quebec. A stuff-blizzard that dumped great drifts of books, tables, cups and knives and chairs and shirts in every corner of the house. I tried to take photos, but the lens wasn’t wide enough. We are hiding upstairs now, waiting for the spring thaw while the baby thumps ominously at the inside of Veronica’s belly. He must wait, must hang on. We have no other hope. If we go downstairs now, we are lost for sure. We are surviving on the crusts of three extra-large all-dresseds that we fed to the moving-monsters, huge fuzzy-edged bohemoths with blue heads that called to each other in a strange quacking language. After they had eaten the pizza they retreated, beating their chests, to the moveable house from which they had unleashed the stuff-storm, and disappeared down the road. Truly, if they ever return, we are done for.
By MC
February 28, 2008 at 9:09 am |
Initally when you said your shipment arrived I thought you meant your baby. And then I thought that’s an ominous beginning. Thank God you meant your ’stuff’. When is the baby due anyway?
February 28, 2008 at 5:42 pm |
Stuff is stuff – coffee mugs, spatulas and small ceramic items that somebody gave you but you can’t remember who so you can’t toss it out because you don’t know if they’re important. Baby’s aren’t stuff. You can’t drink out of them or stir food with them or wear them. And apparently you can’t throw them out. Have you heard that Mike Huckabee apparently subsisted largely on a diet of squirrel baked in a popcorn maker when he was a child? Somewhere late in Genesis I (26? 27?) there’s that passage about dominion over everything – squirrels included – does “dominion” cover shoving their dead little squirrel asses into a Walmart appliance? I guess so. But do you think they skinned them first? Or did they eat them fur and all? Will the weird and gruesome examples of what a belief in God will do the brain of an ape never end? Hey, speaking of which, it turns out that you can get Creutzfeldt-Jakob from eating squirrel brain – would that be Mad Squirrel Disease? God bless those Hill Billys! But it don’t it make ya scratch yoz beard in wonder about which came first, the God chicken or the squirrel brain egg?
February 29, 2008 at 1:24 pm |
Just a tany romark to you you mothersucking Zionist garlic breathed infidel bastard fucker. Wativer yous is ritang is of no intarest to me. So please don”t address me with your valuable ommints as I find it very distressing to be addressed by someone of such a low staus like yours you bastard garlic eating uncircumcised foul invader upon the territory of the holy! It has got do with things like blinging up, culture….etc. So simple I am I am, Sam I am in Green Eggs and cheese. I am completely raving mad I am a Cat in Hat I am, my brain is Spam I am! So shut up your nasty pizza dough face you freaky parsnip!
Or else let me see you in percon in Cairo!
Kisses,
Amre
February 29, 2008 at 4:12 pm |
freaky parsnip! i love it. MC does look like a freaky parsnip, as a matter of fact. Long and white. Amre, as always, delivers a great performance.
Congratulations on getting your shipment. Has the toasty smell of Cairo dust been preserved? Or did it come from Holland (in which case it will be a different smell altogether?)
February 29, 2008 at 4:43 pm |
Stuff has the light wiff of herring and rain about it. Makes us nostalgic.
March 2, 2008 at 10:06 pm |
Okay, depending on how you look at it a child can be stuff too. And why are you quoting the bible all of a sudden? Its making me a bit nervous…